"Thrive even amongst tangles"
My favourite chocolates (Boooja Booja) come with one of these little quotes in every box and I’m always excited to rip each one out and put it up on my pin board. This one is my favourite and I often catch it in my eye as I open the door in my kitchen and it’s always the reminder I need. This year it has meant more than ever. 2020 started off bitterly in January, before the pandemic became a thing and I was quite frankly amazed to even make it to March where lockdown actually came as a blessing when I needed to take some time out so that I had the space to process and heal.
I’ve wanted to quit everything this year, quit people, quit horses and quit all of the work that I do and just make everything someone else’s problem because I just didn’t have the head space to deal with it anymore, my faith and trust in everything was gone. I lost so much confidence and most of my motivation, I got caught up in the nonsense and started to believe what others were telling me about myself and as a consequence I started to lose my love for horses. Everything was such an effort, leaving the house was exhausting, doing my job was exhausting, seeing my horses was exhausting. And I have spoken to many of you who have felt the same. It seems that every time any of us made progress in some way this year, the world couldn’t let us win and something else would swoop in and knock us off our feet again! Now it’s just so expected that it’s almost normal!
But everything happens for a reason. I’m still here, doing a job(s) that I love, keeping my head above water, with the support of good people, with my health and with all of my animals despite a very small number of people and a virus doing their best to take it all away. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it 2020!
I’ve always been stubborn and very independent; I work hard and I don’t give up no matter how overwhelmed I feel. I do my best to always learn from experience, to look at everything as a lesson that I was supposed to learn instead of another thing that happened ‘to’ me. I always strive to better myself in every way possible and am surrounded by so many of you who do the same. We have all learned what is really important in life this year.
Our horses help with that too, they are great at keeping us humble and pushing us to strive for never ending self improvement. This year I think mine have told me in no uncertain terms that I need to take a break, we all need to take a break, learn to be present again and deal with the here and now instead of stressing about what is yet to be achieved or replaying the trauma of the past. To change direction, make new plans and learn about new things. My head is full of excitement for the things I have planned, and I have faith that it’ll all just fall into place when it should. My horses plans this year didn’t fit with mine but there’s no doubt that their plan is teaching me so much more than mine ever could. They’ve reminded me that they are a product of their environment, just like we are, they are our mirrors and they need time to heal from the impact and the changes that 2020 has brought just like I do. And healing can be a long process, there is no timeline and no one gets to tell you that your feelings are invalid or that your experience is wrong because it is yours to own and to grow from.
So as we head in to 2021, I think we all need to remember to keep going and to listen to our horses. Things will work out exactly as they should. And no doubt we’ll still have days where we think ‘I just can’t’ but we’ve already proved we are capable of so much more than we think we are and we can indeed "Thrive even amongst tangles". Thank you to all of you for your love and support and I look forward to seeing you and your horses soon. Wishing you a happy new year. ❤️